Are there zombies in your neighborhood? Are you going to end up on the zombgasbord menu tonight? Have you even checked? Here are some of the telltale signs to be on the lookout for:

• Missing neighborhood watch members - Unarmed and unappreciated, these poor souls are the usually the first casualties of a zombie gambit (aka a zombit). If you're on the neighborhood watch, don't worry ... you probably won't be for long.
• Drag marks in your yard - Zombies drag their feet even worse than a moping six year old. If you see drag marks you're probably smack in the middle of a zombie sworm looking for a midnight snack. Wear vegetables to bed.
• Irregular face prints on your windows - This should be self explanatory. No need to play CSI: Mayberry and go looking for zombie eyelashes stuck to the glass. Just bring some glass cleaner, a spatula and a thick pair of rubber gloves.
• Miscellaneous body parts - Zombies don't exactly practice proper hygiene ... and usually don't take inventory of themselves. If you find flesh breadcrumbs they probably weren't left on purpose ... you hope.
• Check for open mailboxes - Some zombies are such busybodies that they go around snooping in mailboxes while crusing neighborhoods at night. Clearly shame is one of the first casualties of becoming a zombie - just look at the way they dress and how they never perform their ablutions.

BTW, sleepy children are not zombies, even though they may exhibit one or more zombie-like traits, including sloth-like movement, foot-draginess, dim wittedness, unexplainable stench and/or biting.

Zombies — they don't care if you are sleeping, and they don't care if you're awake, they'll eat you if you're bad or good so watch out for goodness sake.